I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
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