he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We talked him into tasing himself.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
