garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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