got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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