nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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