Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
