I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
