I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
