Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
