thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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