hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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