Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
i now understand why vodka
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
