I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
