Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
