I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize