we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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