I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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