Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
