I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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