sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
