can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
