we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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