Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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