he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize