So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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