how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
