my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
