So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
