i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize