I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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