as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
