Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
