That's when you crack a 10am beer
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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