wanna go halves on a baby?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
