I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize