nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
