I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
