i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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