I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
