we have pet lesbian snakes
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I could make wine with my vomit
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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