Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
should my penis look like a turkey
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
