You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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