I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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