Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Can I color on your dick again?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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