God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
