Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
