I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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