smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
porn star boner night. come get it.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
