Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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