chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
