this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
why does every cop we meet know your name?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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