My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
