ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
