4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You made out with two different species that night
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
