I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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