Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Randomize
