Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I cannot find my penis.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
