I accidentally had phone sex last night
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize