The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
