Already got asked if we're dating
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
