i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just blew my weed a kiss
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
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