I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
