how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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