you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
