I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
