If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
