goodnight i made you a song goodbye
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
