Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
