We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
